In Focus

I originally put this post up last week, but took it down because I felt convicted.  I wrote some very poignant things and I do not want to offend so I edited this one. Sorry for those that kept trying to read the last one! 

I feel like I am seeing my life with new lenses this week. This week has been very cleansing for me. Very busy and completely stressful, but the stress has not taken hold like it normally does.  It hasn't terrorized me, or caused me to lose sleep this time around.

And it is all because of a change in perspective.  I feel like I actually got to see my life in focus for once.  I can't believe how much I have been looking through the wrong lens.  Pardon all my analogies, but I just wanted to try to explain exactly what I have been feeling. And I have needed some time to process.

We were in a car accident on Saturday.  I know, Happy Birthday to me, right? :-)  It was very minor, and we were not at fault in any way.  We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.  We were at a complete stop at a red light, waiting to turn when two cars decide they were going to run their respective red lights, one going straight, and one turning.  Their collision caused one of the cars to spin and to collide into my car, which held me (driving), Mike, and Carson in the back. There was just damage to the front of my car, and the drivers side door.  Everyone was okay, but it was still a scary experience. I felt like we all did great holding it together until Saturday night.  Mike has completely kept it together, but I had a melt down right before our date that we were supposed to have that Saturday night.

My biggest question was this...would I still be praising God and saying "Thank you Lord" if everything wasn't okay?  Mike and I did a lot of "you are so good, God!" "Thank you that no one was hurt!" But what if things hadn't turned out that way.  Three feet further and the truck would have hit my side, where Carson and I sit.  Could I still say "Thank You Jesus" if Carson was in a hospital bed? We were so lucky.  And it has caused me to look at the phrase, "God is good, all the time," in another way.  You normally always hear that phrase when you are going through something hard, and you resent it.  But this time, everything went good, and I realized that no matter what, "God is good" even if Carson or I had been hurt.  That doesn't change who God is.  BUT...it has opened my eyes to what really is important in life.  Every time I have looked at my husband or son this week, it has been with a clear lens, of how precious our time is here together, and how meaningless so many of the things we chase after are.

In life we focus so much on what doesn't matter.  So many people this week were depressed and just complaining about how the Broncos didn't win.  Sports don't matter, it is just a game to be enjoyed.  Food doesn't matter.  We are allowed to enjoy food, but it shouldn't consume us and take a place of idolatry in our lives.  I have struggled with this personally because of all the things I can't have, instead of rejoicing and saying, thank you Lord for the food I can eat.  There have been more times then I can count on my hands where I have let food take an unholy place in my life.  I have been angry, resentful, and a complainer.   The only thing I need is Jesus. Jesus survived for 40 days in the desert with just his Father God, so can I, not being able to eat cheese will not kill me, no matter how much sometimes it seems like it might.  Money, we are all chasing after this, and it will never be enough.  The more you make, the more you want.  Personally, as soon as it seems we get to a stable place, we only then focus on the next place, or the next thing we want to buy/do etc.   Appearances, this is a big one.  How I look, or how I look to other people.  Personal appearance, appearance of wealth, appearance of importance, etc.  Completely meaningless, God looks at the heart, he doesn't even see the surface.  (This absolutely doesn't mean we don't take care of ourselves, remember our flesh is a temple).  But if I spend way too much time caring about how I look or only caring about how I feel, which makes me very inefficient at caring for those around me.

Another lens that clicked into place this week was my own selfishness.  I felt I could clearly see myself, and how self I am. I want what I want, and I want to do things when I want to do them.  I want people to show grace to me, but all to often I withhold grace from those that I deem "unworthy." This new year I want to be a person of grace and a person of thankfulness. I want to love and accept freely, but I also want the courage to speak up.  I need to speak up when something wrong is occurring and I need to speak up and share the gospel!

I feel like so many other things have been working in my heart, but it would take days/pages to share everything, so I wanted to hit the big stuff.

Lord, thank you for the time I have here, and may I use it more wisely than I have in the past.  Thank you for everything. even the struggles and stresses, because I know those things are refining me and growing me.

What lenses are cloudy in your life?  What is out of focus?