Carson - 2 years

I haven't done much with Carson or the family on here lately, and for that I am deeply sorry.  But there are a couple things I want to write down!  I feel like I haven't really captured a lot of Carson's babyhood and I hope I won't regret that later as much as I do now.  Sorry this is so late folks!!

So, Carson at two..

You talk ALL THE TIME!  So many kids your age and still pretty silent but you talk so much.  You love to talk. You started saying words like ball, dada, and wagi (water) when you were a little over 1 and then never stopped. It really is cute.  Lately you have been kind of making up stuff, and it is interesting to see your creativity develop.

You have started telling me about your day when I get home from work. I love that. I love hearing that you did this or that or played this...etc.

You love opposites. Up/down, big/tiny, baby/big, hot/cold, etc.  You got some miniture thomas trains for your birthday and you promptly walked up to me with a high squeaky voice and said "baby percy." so cute.  You love your "baby trains" so far.

You love everybody and think everyone is your friend.  We play the "I love you" game and I ask if you love mommy or daddy or grandma and you have even responded by saying "I love everybody." :-) You are so sweet to all your friends.  You also remember everyone's name really well.  You know all your extended family members and all your little friends' names.  Little Smarty.

You wear 18 month clothes, and size 4/5 shoe, although some of your clothes are 12-18 month.  12 month stuff on its own is too small.  You are still in size 3 diapers.  You show absolutely no interest in potty training. You understand everything about it and what you are supposed to do, but you in no way want to go on the potty or in your potty chair.

Your imagination is starting to take place, you make up stories sometimes or build off of things I tell you.  It is so much fun!

You are in a very picky eating stage right now and it is worrying me.  With all your allergies, you don't have the wiggle room to not eat meat because you don't drink milk and can't eat yogurt. I can also tell it messes with your moods.  You have been having huge meltdowns lately and I can pinpoint to about an hour or two after you eat, so I'm pretty sure it is just blood sugar crashes. You have been eating only fruit, muffins, pancakes, crackers/pretzels, and oatmeal.  Way too much sugar/carbs and no protein or fat.  I know I feel the same way when I eat a ton of sugar with nothing to balance it.

Your favorite food is oatmeal though, by far. You LOVE oatmeal and will always eat it.

You are a mommas boy.  We aren't sure if it is because I am able to spend more time with you, or if that is just your personality.  But it can be really frustrating for mommy when all you want is her.  We are not sure how this is going to work after your sister arrives.

You are so into trains and planes right now. It is adorable.  You especially like trains.  We had a Thomas the Train birthday party for you because you like him so much right now.

I wasn't going to do a party, but you were so into parties that I caved.  You have a couple books that show birthday parties and you get so excited on those pages.

When you woke up from your nap and saw all your decorations you got so excited!! You kept yelling "birthday party"

Your allergy free birthday cake

You loved your party.  You had such a great time.

We love you little bear.  We can't imagine life without you.

Carson - 12 Months

This year has gone by so fast. It has brought many challenges, but with the challenges came much love.  A love so fierce that I can't imagine not ever knowing the feeling.  I understand all that is said about the bond between a mother and her child.  Carson, I love you so much honey.  Your daddy and I are enamored with your sweet little self.  Happy Birthday!

I cannot take credit for these photos.  His Aunt Gina took them and I am forever in her debt for capturing Carson at this age so perfectly.

Carson, you are no longer an infant.  You are a toddler!  And every day I see more and more "little boy" in your features.

You love all animals still, this past week you have even been making animal sounds.  Specifically for the tiger.  when I ask you what the tiger says, you growl.  It is so freaking adorable!

It has been amazing to watch you communicate this past week.  It was like a switch just was turned on while we were back at my parents for Thanksgiving.  You started pointing and making noises, letting us know what you wanted to eat, where you wanted to go, etc.

Your favorite foods are anything made with rice, but we limit that because of your eczema.  Next, you love apples, chicken, turkey, all natural french fries and sweet potatoes.  You are still a very picky eater although you started to try more things this past week, like bananas and peas, which I haven't been able to get you to eat previously.

Your allergies are still keeping us guessing.  Out of the blue you get this terrible red face and then have a meltdown, which we feel might be some kind of allergic reaction to something and benedryl seems to be the only thing that helps.

You have started to love reading books, and you definitely have your favorites!  You now pick out the books you want to read and bring them to us and if we are halfway through a book and you don't want to read it anymore, you jump off our laps and get a different book.

You are so close to sleeping through the night!  But alas, you still wake up around 4:30-5am to nurse and then go back to sleep.  I figure you must actually be hungry because we cannot break this feeding.

At your 12 month appointment, you had not gained any weight and had not grown a whole lot, which concerned your doctor a little bit.  This is also why mommy is not cutting out that feeding.  I have been instructed to either keep nursing you as much as I am, or supplement with formula since you cannot move onto milk due to your allergy.  You are 19.25 pounds and 29 inches tall.  But your head circumference is average!  And you are very smart and right on track/advanced development-wise so the doctor just wants to see if you gain any weight in the next three months.  You have had a lot of milestones this last three months and become so active.

You seem to be staying blonde haired and blue eyed.  Doesn't look like red hair is in your future.  Which is so funny because you daddy has red hair and so do your cousins.

Your favorite toys are balls, by far.  You LOVE them.  Whenever we drop you off at a church nursery, if you don't want to stay, we just tell the helper to get you a ball, then you are fine.

You know words now.  So much so that I have to spell certain words, like nurse and outside.  If you hear either of those you go crazy! And then you know tiger, puppy, elephant, ball, hungry, eat, apple, drink, bath, mom, and dad.  There might be a couple I am forgetting.

And speaking of outside and balls, soccer is in your future little man.  He already kicks balls around the house and he is only 1 year old!  We never taught him how to do that, he learned all on his own.

You are getting pretty good at walking, but you still aren't proficient from moving from a crawl or sit to a walk.  You have to pull up on something first.  Crawling (bear crawl) is still your preferred mode of transportation.

Mommy and Daddy had to set a rule of no screens for you because you are obsessed.

You love going outside.  You don't love having your shoes on, but you will allow them to be put on if you get to go outside.

You love older kids, like age 2-4.  You just follow them around and try to get them to interact with you.  You loved your cousin Sutton.

We are in the process of learning the word, No.  You are starting to get it but boy do you like to push the limits!!

You enjoy playing with other kids.  You do really well with a lot of kids around, I think all the activity keeps you a little distracted so you are not quite so mommy-focused. :-)

You love you daddy and you look for him now whenever you wake up from a bedtime or from a nap.  You don't quite understand yet when I say "daddy is bye-bye."

We love you buddy!  Happy first birthday, we are so excited you are our little boy.

Carson's First Birthday Party

I decided about a week and a half before Carson's birthday that we were going to have a party.  Sorry everyone!  But I figured he needed a little recognition, or maybe I just did.  :-)  I can't believe it was one year ago that I was in the hospital, holding this little boy for the first time.  

We decorated the house for our boy with balloons.  He has a book that has balloons in it, and he always kisses the balloons, so I really wanted to see his reaction to real balloons. 

Then we just had people over for desserts and appetizers.  I made Carson some special blueberry muffins as a "cake" since he is so limited.  And boy, did he love those muffins!

He had a lot of fun playing with his little friends and opening his presents.

It was perfect.  I couldn't have asked for better company, a better party, or a better son.  :-) Happy Birthday Carson and Thank You to everyone who came and made that day so special.  

Birthday Boy

Well, we had a party for our little boy. :-) more pics to come! 

Due Date

On this day last year, Michael and I were waiting, wondering if our little baby would decide to make his/her entrance into the world.  And this little babe kept us waiting, for five, long days.

Carson's due date was today, November 22nd of last year.  But he decided to make his entrance on the 27th instead.  So, technically, our little boy is already a year old.

This year has been one of the longest and shortest of my life.  I look back on the past year, thinking about the holidays last year and how they seem so long ago.  Yet, I close my eyes and I can imagine sitting with my hands on my swollen belly, wondering if our baby was a boy or a girl and what being parents would be like.

This year has changed me.  For the better, in some ways, but in some not so good ways as well.  This past year has taught me so much about love, grace, and perseverance.  I feel it has allowed some other traits to enter my psyche as well.  Traits that I would have rather left alone.  Bitterness, anger, and jealousy, three traits that would only descend for mere moments beforehand engulfed me in days sometimes this past year.

It is hard to watch someone you love suffer.  The feeling of being powerless as you hold that tiny infant as they cry, not knowing what is wrong and afraid to change their diaper because it once again may yield results that your baby is sick, and not like other babies.  The feeling of complete helplessness as you watch your baby scratch themselves until they bleed, knowing that child feels miserable and you have no idea how to help them.

But this past year, in all of its trials, yielded a blue eyed, blonde haired little boy, whose smile lifts even my darkest spirits and whose hugs have the power to melt away any sadness.

This past year, God taught me the true meaning of "My strength is made perfect in weakness" and "cast all your cares upon Me."  He taught me how to let go, and let Him.   He taught me about contentment and grace and I pray he will soften the bitter and angry areas of my heart.

I know they years will only continue to go faster.  That is the big question/statement everyone is asking me "the time goes by so fast, don't you miss that baby already?"  The answer is no, I don't.  I don't mean to sound callous or unloving, but I don't miss Carson as an infant.  Michael and I have a sort of PTSD from Carson.  Being first time parents to a child who required the care Carson did and dealing with the issues Carson faced has left us slightly stressed and disillusioned.  We are both finally in the stage of enjoying our son.  Not that we ever didn't love him, but dealing with a screaming baby who only slept for 30 minutes at a time was draining. And Michael and I are both fully aware of how lucky we are/were.  Many couples/families have had to deal with so much more then we did!

These are just some of the thoughts that have been mulling in my head today.  I can't imagine my life without Carson anymore.  I mean, I can imagine it, but I do not want to trade him for it.  Carson made me a mommy, and I pray almost every day that I can live up to that title.  I am happy, I am content.  Carson is not out of the woods with his allergies or eczema, but he is stable and Michael has helped me realize that I am doing the best I can, despite the feelings of failure I feel on a daily basis.

Being a mom is hard, by far the hardest thing I have had to do.  All you mommies out there, I send you tons of good mommy vibes!  You are all doing amazing.   :-)

 

Happy Halloween!!

Here are the rest of the pics that my friend, Jamie, took of Carson and I on Halloween.  So cute!  Mommy even dressed up.