Due Date

On this day last year, Michael and I were waiting, wondering if our little baby would decide to make his/her entrance into the world.  And this little babe kept us waiting, for five, long days.

Carson's due date was today, November 22nd of last year.  But he decided to make his entrance on the 27th instead.  So, technically, our little boy is already a year old.

This year has been one of the longest and shortest of my life.  I look back on the past year, thinking about the holidays last year and how they seem so long ago.  Yet, I close my eyes and I can imagine sitting with my hands on my swollen belly, wondering if our baby was a boy or a girl and what being parents would be like.

This year has changed me.  For the better, in some ways, but in some not so good ways as well.  This past year has taught me so much about love, grace, and perseverance.  I feel it has allowed some other traits to enter my psyche as well.  Traits that I would have rather left alone.  Bitterness, anger, and jealousy, three traits that would only descend for mere moments beforehand engulfed me in days sometimes this past year.

It is hard to watch someone you love suffer.  The feeling of being powerless as you hold that tiny infant as they cry, not knowing what is wrong and afraid to change their diaper because it once again may yield results that your baby is sick, and not like other babies.  The feeling of complete helplessness as you watch your baby scratch themselves until they bleed, knowing that child feels miserable and you have no idea how to help them.

But this past year, in all of its trials, yielded a blue eyed, blonde haired little boy, whose smile lifts even my darkest spirits and whose hugs have the power to melt away any sadness.

This past year, God taught me the true meaning of "My strength is made perfect in weakness" and "cast all your cares upon Me."  He taught me how to let go, and let Him.   He taught me about contentment and grace and I pray he will soften the bitter and angry areas of my heart.

I know they years will only continue to go faster.  That is the big question/statement everyone is asking me "the time goes by so fast, don't you miss that baby already?"  The answer is no, I don't.  I don't mean to sound callous or unloving, but I don't miss Carson as an infant.  Michael and I have a sort of PTSD from Carson.  Being first time parents to a child who required the care Carson did and dealing with the issues Carson faced has left us slightly stressed and disillusioned.  We are both finally in the stage of enjoying our son.  Not that we ever didn't love him, but dealing with a screaming baby who only slept for 30 minutes at a time was draining. And Michael and I are both fully aware of how lucky we are/were.  Many couples/families have had to deal with so much more then we did!

These are just some of the thoughts that have been mulling in my head today.  I can't imagine my life without Carson anymore.  I mean, I can imagine it, but I do not want to trade him for it.  Carson made me a mommy, and I pray almost every day that I can live up to that title.  I am happy, I am content.  Carson is not out of the woods with his allergies or eczema, but he is stable and Michael has helped me realize that I am doing the best I can, despite the feelings of failure I feel on a daily basis.

Being a mom is hard, by far the hardest thing I have had to do.  All you mommies out there, I send you tons of good mommy vibes!  You are all doing amazing.   :-)

 

Project Shelf

I'm obsessive.  I always have been and it is a serious fault.  Instead of letting things go, I obsess and obsess, and worry and think, and on and on and on, in a vicious cycle where I never win.  Thank goodness for God.  He always meets me right where I am at and has to constantly remind me to STOP.

Carson's eczema has flared up again, pretty badly.  I never thought I would be jealous of other babies.  I'm not really,  but when I see other little ones with their porcelain skin, it is hard for me to not feel a little resentful as I am rubbing lotion on my lobster baby for the third time that day, while contemplating if it is bad enough for the steroid cream.  My main source of my angst is not Carson's appearance, but how uncomfortable he is!  I would do anything to make the itching and rashes stop.  

God's "stop obsessing" came in the form of Michael a couple weeks ago.  He suggested I start a project to help me refocus. So, project shelf was born.  I had been wanting a shelf in my living room for awhile, and had been looking around for one that wasn't too pricey.  When Michael suggested I find an unfinished one, I knew just the one.  I had seen one at Hobby Lobby, and with the 40% off coupon you can download off their website, I bought the shelf.

Next was sanding.  This baby required a lot of sanding.  And while I was sanding it, I realized that I was not going to be able to make it look like the current furniture in our living room.  It was just too rough and there were too many defects in it.  I was going to have to think of something else.  So I decided to make it look rough and older.

I decided against a stain and using a primer and just went for the paint, so it would have a "rough paint" look instead of a "smooth paint" look.  I also decided not to use spray paint and went for a brush.  I actually used some paint we found in our basement.  I just LOVE how it turned out.

This little project was just what I needed to open my crafty side back up, which has lain dormant for six months since Carson came.  I'm back to thinking about sewing projects and have been making homemade cards again.  It feels good.  Whenever I get too obsessive I have a reminder now as well.  I can look at that shelf and remember to let go, breathe, give whatever it is to God, and move on to the next project.  :-)

Finally Myself...Now Extend Grace!

Hi everyone. Remember in my mommy rant I posted that when I feel like myself again I would let you know?  Well I finally do.  Granted, I feel like a sleep deprived version of myself, but I feel like "me" despite that.  That was actually a lot quicker than I expected.  I anticipated needing at least six months to truly feel like myself again physically and emotionally, but at being 4 months 2 week postpartum I can say I think I am already there.

Does this mean I am the same?  Nope, I am a weaker, squishier version of my pre-pregnancy self with a worse memory, but I am okay with that.  I realize that I will not be able to work out for the length or at the intensity I was previously working out at.  I just do not have the time anymore between Carson, home, and work.  Combined with the low levels of sleep I get with an infant, pushing myself too much just isn't a good idea.  My body is run down enough daily as it is between that, breastfeeding, and eating a very restricted diet.

I am looking forward to this spring/summer when it is warmer and Carson and I can go for hikes, walks, and runs in our neighborhood.  I feel this will help me get back into shape.  You can be skinny, but not fit.  I'd rather be fit and a little curvier, thank you.

And as for the bad memory, I have been told that "mommy brain" extends until your children leave the house, so I don't foresee me getting rid of that anytime soon.  Bring on the abundance of lists I have to make daily!

But in the last four weeks one word stands out to me that I have been needing to use daily...the word GRACE!

I need to give my husband grace, he is going through all these changes for the first time as well.

I need to give myself grace, I am doing the best I can.  I want to be the perfect mom to Carson, but I need to extend grace to myself and sometimes just "be" and not always be trying to "fix."

I need to extend grace to my pre-conceived ideas about Carson and how he should behave.  Carson is an individual, he may not respond like writers of books or articles say he should.  I need to have the wisdom to parent Carson in the best way for him, not according to the "norm."

I have needed to extend grace to my body.  At first I wanted to start exercising and doing all the things I normally did six weeks after having Carson.  But my body wasn't ready and it still cannot perform the way it used to.  And my body just went through a lot of changes, so for me to expect it to look the same as it did before Carson is a somewhat unrealistic expectation.

I need to extend grace to those around me.  Many moms, doctors, and friends have offered me "advice" for how to deal with Carson and his issues, but only God, Michael, and I truly know what is best for our little boy.  And I need to not become frustrated with those around me for sharing their opinions.

And lastly, I need to receive God's grace.  Life is not without its trials and tribulations and just because something is not going how I "want" it to go, doesn't mean that God is angry with me or has left me.  It only means I need to hang onto Him and His grace even more.  God never stated we would have our every desire or want taken care of in this world, He said he would supply our needs.  Wants and needs are very different things.  I want a massive house in the mountains with an enormous kitchen, a fireplace and 30 acres.  But what I need is a roof over my son's head, a heater that works, and a bed to sleep on.  Now, will I have that house someday, maybe, but maybe not.  Thank you Lord for your patience with me and for what I do have!

So there you go, the word of the week is GRACE.  How can you give grace or receive grace this week?

My life

Umm, did you know I love mountains?  And hiking?  Yep, true story.  I can't get enough.  I even went by myself with Carson the other day because it was so beautiful outside.

You want to know what else I can't get enough of?  Food.  I eat SO much right now.  I eat more than Michael.  Everyone thinks I should be wasting away since I am not eating any soy, corn, dairy, eggs, gluten, nuts, or beef, but I actually haven't lost any more weight.  I got down to a little above my pre-pregnancy weight and have plateaued.  I could probably lose more if I cut back on the quantity I am eating ( I am dead serious, I eat so much food) but I don't want to risk my milk supply.  I also don't really work out.  I'd love too, but Carson just doesn't give me the time (only naps for 30 min) and Michael is gone/busy with work.  But just to give you an idea of how much I eat, Michael will eat half a chicken breast and lentils over a spinach salad for dinner and I will eat that too...along with a bowl of rice chex, and a homemade allergy free pumpkin muffin topped with sunbutter.  It is like this at every meal and it kind of freaks me out, but oh well.  I guess I should enjoy being able to eat so much while I can.

And if you haven't tried sunbutter, I think it is amazing.  It like peanut butter but made with sunflower seeds.  I go through a jar like every three weeks right now.

So my life currently is filled with watching this little guy...

And eating.  :-)

We really need to start working on naps though.  This kid needs to sleep more.  When he does, he is such a happier baby.  A lot of the times he wakes up, I can tell he needs more sleep but he won't go back to sleep and sometimes he refuses a nap altogether, even though he is exhausted.  We tried to let him cry it out a little when he is refusing a nap, but it made things so much worse.  He couldn't settle down because he had been crying so he woke up from the nap even sooner :-(  I really have no idea what to do.  I'm sure we'll figure it out.

Update 2/19/13

My sister is almost here!  I am so excited she finally gets to come visit her nephew!

I will probably not post for awhile since she is here, but I thought I would update you all on what has been happening here.

Well, not a whole lot.  Carson has had a very stuffy nose so he has not been sleepy great, which means mommy doesn't sleep great either.  So ready for a nap...

His tummy doesn't really seem to be getting any better at this point either.  I reached out into the universe over the world wide web (really a breastfeeding support group on facebook) and many ladies who have had similar allergy issues with their little ones replied that sometimes these things take time to clear.  So I am going to keep on being dairy, gluten, beef, soy, eggs, and nut free until we get things figured out.

When I have told people what I am doing, their first response is usually, "well, what do you eat?"  Good question.  I actually eat a lot of food!  I haven't really felt deprived all week.  Michael and I cooked up such a huge spread for me that I have had a ton of variety of real food.  Here is what I have been eating this week.

-Spaghetti sauce with brown rice noodles and sausage
-Sauteed kale with bacon and mushrooms
-Steamed cauliflower and broccoli
-Baked chicken thighs
-Turkey burgers (with lettuce as a bun and bacon on top!)
-Sweet potatoes
-Acorn squash
-Spaghetti squash
-Baked potatoes
-Sausage, kale, and potato skillets
-Gluten, dairy, egg free banana pancakes with sunflower seed butter
-Gluten free hot cereal with rice milk
-Chicken and apple sausage links
-Raw Fruits/Veggies
-Green smoothies using rice milk
-Kettle potato chips
-Corn chips and salsa
-Rice chex with rice milk

See!  I haven't been in want for tasty food.  It took about 2 hrs (including all the baking time) to make all this stuff on Saturday, but I have more than enough eats for a week.  This is such a healthy way to eat too!  It has made me realize that maybe I should start getting in the habit of cooking on the weekends for the week. If you want recipes for anything, let me know.  Hopefully next time I post an update on Carson's tummy, we will have things all better!!

Dairy Free

It has been a little tense here this past week.  This post is not to discuss your views on vaccines, this is just to share what has been going on here.

First of all, childhood immunizations make me nervous.  I was one of those babies that reacted very poorly.  Because of this I was very concerned about Carson.  Thankfully I found a great pediatrician that understood my concerns and was willing to work with me.  I didn't want Carson to get all the shots at once so they let me do a slower, alternative schedule.  I know they say it is perfectly safe, but it seems like so many vaccines at one time for such a small baby.  My pediatrician and I decided that Carson would get only the DTaP vaccine and the oral Rotavirus vaccine at his first appointment.

Well, Carson did pretty good.  I nursed him afterwards to calm him down and he seemed fine.  The next day he was fine as well, but about 48 hrs after the vaccines he started getting very irritable and fussy, which was to be expected, that is one of the side effects, but then I started finding blood in his diaper.

Poor little guy, mommy let him sleep in her arms

I called the pediatrician and they wanted to see him right away.  After testing his diaper to make sure it was blood, the pediatrician told me that Carson has a milk protein allergy.  I asked why this came out all of sudden and the doctor's response was that it can come out anytime and it has absolutely no correlation to the vaccines.

I started doing some research, and found several other instances of Mom's asking if this has happened to other infants.  I guess the oral Rotavirus vaccine can be very irritable on baby's stomach and intestines.  I have cut all dairy out of my diet for now, but so far, the blood is still there.  We just feel so bad for Carson, he has been so upset and just crying.  He can only be consoled by finally sleeping or being walked around.  Today was the first day he seemed more back to normal, even though the blood is still present.

Sleepy guy

Now, was it really the vaccines?  We don't know.  We just find it so suspicious that our boy has not had an issue with his tummy at all and then all of a sudden, two days after an oral vaccine, he has blood in his diaper.  We are hoping and praying that it just passes and clears on its own.  I do not care if I have to be dairy free as long as it makes Carson feel better.  Our doctor seems to think that if it isn't dairy in my diet, we need to put him on an allergy free formula, which I really do not want to do.  Prayers are appreciated as we move forward and wait.  From research that I have done it seems like once babies start developing these issues, they react to many things.  There is the potential for a long road of elimination diets to figure out what is hurting my sweet boy.  But that is the worst case.  Like I said, we are praying for a complete healing, or healing from eliminating only dairy.

He has started drooling a lot!

 Thank you all for your prayers.  Please also pray for a friend of mine in Denver.  She has just found out that her cord and placenta are failing and she is only 28 weeks along.  They are expecting to induce her in the next couple weeks.

I'll leave you with a pic of my cute, special, adorable little boy.  :-)

A Tale of Mastitis...and my 27th Birthday

Mastitis sucks guys.  And so do yeast infections.  And these two things like to party together.  Ugh.

It was my birthday last week, I turned 27!  I have no pictures from this momentous occasion because it wasn't really momentous this year.  That and I forgot.  :-)  My dad did come to visit and he brought me a bottle of champagne to celebrate, but I didn't really want to do anything.  Well, that's not true, I did, but then the mastitis kicked my butt and I had to spend four days in bed.  But at least I had this little guy to keep me company!

Michael was very busy with work last week.  He had dinners at night and was gone all day.  But Michael's boss let me come to a nice dinner on Monday night at a great steakhouse.  We were a little worried about Carson, but he did great!

He just chilled in his carseat and slept a little as well.  It was our first time taking him to a restaurant.  I was able to completely enjoy my steak and wine.  It was a nice birthday-ish dinner.  They even gave me free dessert!

Like I said, my dad came in to town on Tuesday, my birthday.  On this day I discovered my baby has dreadlocks.  

He rubs his head all over now, and I didn't catch these little things fast enough to brush them out.  I decided I will let Carson keep his little dreads because I don't want to cut them!

He was a nice, happy boy for my birthday.

And he liked meeting grandpa!

My dad stayed through Thursday morning.  Thursday morning was when I woke up feeling terrible!  When I went to bed Wednesday night I thought it was weird that I had some sore spots on my breasts, but I didn't really think about it.  I called my doctor that morning because my temp was 100.4.  They called in some antibiotics for me and made an appointment for Friday.  Well, my fever went away that afternoon so they told me to not take the antibiotics and come in on Friday.

I wasn't feeling great, but I didn't have a fever so I went to my appointment and she once again said to not start the antibiotics unless I really had to.  She found two plugged ducts and told me to just massage those out and I should be fine.  Well, I did that and my fever came back Friday night, as well as I got a new plugged duct.  Saturday was supposed to be my "birthday" day but I woke up again with a fever and felt pretty darn yucky.  I did get to go get a massage and Michael let me nap and rest and brought me flowers, so he made it a special day even though I was sicko.  It was Sunday before I started taking the antibiotics.  I gave it a good try, but I couldn't kick it on my own.  We just didn't want me to take the antibiotics unless I really needed them since they mess up your system so bad and I already fought a yeast infection which we managed not to turn into thrush.  It was a really rough 5 days.  I am happy to report that I feel much better now and am ready to start doing things again!  I was down for the count for those 5 days.  Now I am just trying to stay one step ahead of the antibiotics and prevent another yeast infection!  Bring on the probiotics!

And Carson is just growing like a weed and being so cute!  He still fights naps pretty badly, so he gets really sleepy sometimes...

And we get to spend lots of time walking him around and pulling our hair out...

But we wouldn't trade him for the world.  

I tried to stick him in his Bumbo chair.  He wasn't a huge fan.

But he does like going for walks in the stroller!

And Daddy is getting pretty good at putting him to sleep.

Each day is the same, yet different as we learn how to better care for Carson and get to see him grow.  We sure do love this little guy!

Sara - Postpartum Thoughts

It is seven weeks since I gave birth to Carson.  Giving him life was the hardest thing I have ever done.  I've run half marathons, climbed 14ers in record time, and generally pushed my body to the limit while mountain bike racing, but birth showed me just how strong I really am.  At first I was embarrassed of how I gave birth, that I wasn't strong and silent, but now, I am proud of what I have done.  I am strong and it feels good to say that.  Although Michael was my rock, if not for him, I'm not sure how much my strength would have sustained me.

I feel like that is such a strong metaphor for Christ.  We go though life laboring on our own, but if we let Christ help us, we can go so much longer and be so much stronger than we are on our own.  I know this is not a perfect analogy, but it works for me.

So, seven weeks after delivery...how am I doing?

I am doing very well.  Those first couple weeks were so trying, but now that Carson has leveled out some and gives me a good stint of sleep at night (4-5 hours), I am doing so much better, physically and mentally.  I have been able to really start working out since I got the all clear from my doctor and that has felt wonderful.  I can't believe how quickly I am getting back my strength.  I hopped on the elliptical in our gym while Carson was sleeping the other day and set it to the regular levels that I had been doing while I was pregnant.  It was WAY to easy.  I was able to ramp it up significantly and still not feel like I was overdoing it.  Although I must have because my body told me to take it easy by giving me mastitis.  So I am back to taking it easy.

That being said, I'm sure some people are wondering about my body and if I have been losing the pregnancy weight.  I know this is a hot topic and is true.  Everyone waits to get a glimpse of postpartum celebrities to see if they look back to normal.  I can confess that I have done it after friends have had kids.  I was curious to see if they would change or be heavier than before.

First of all, let me say that I want to lose the pregnancy weight, badly.  BUT, I am NOT going to let this define me.  My body did something amazing, and my body changed, a lot.  I can't expect it to be the same as it was before I was pregnant.  I am writing this here to remind myself when I get upset about my size or my body.

And my postpartum body is, well, squishy.  I feel like this is the best way to describe it.  :-) I'm about 7-10 lbs (depends on the time of day) above my pre-pregnancy weight.  And my body is definitely not as tight or toned as it was.  I lost the pregnancy weight very quickly at first.  I believe it was because of nursing.  I dropped all the weight except those last 10 lbs in the first three weeks (I had gained 35 lbs total), and have now stabilized.  So much so, that it does not seem to matter how much I eat or exercise, the number will not budge.  I think those last pounds are going to stick on until I stop nursing.  My body must feel like it needs some extra padding to make sure Carson gets enough milk.  I've talked to many women who said this happened to them.  Which kind of sucks, because it is that last little bit that will let me fit into my pre-pregnancy pants.  Boo. I guess I should look into getting some bigger jeans for the time being.  I'm starting to get tired of wearing yoga pants out in public.

Sorry there are not any pics.  I felt weird posting pictures of myself.  Take care everyone.  I'll try to get more pics of Carson up soon.

Life with Carson - By Sara

Whew, I don't know how to explain it, but time just goes so slow, yet flies by at the same time.  Carson is now 3.5 weeks old and it seems like he has been here forever!  Our days are filled with naps, diaper changes, and feedings.  We are still pretty sleep deprived, or at least I am.  I have been trying to let Michael sleep through the night since he has to work during the day.  This kid has a 6th sense though, whenever I lay down to take a nap, he wakes up.  It is fail proof.  Which means a very, very tired mommy.

All bundled up for the trip to the Doctor

At Carson's last pediatrician appointment he was at 9 lbs 2 oz, which was half a pound gained in a week!  The doctor only had positive things to say about all of Carson's development.  His exact words were "whatever you are doing, keep doing it, because he is doing great!"  Which was good to hear, because as any of you mom's remember being a first time mom, having a newborn is very nerve-wracking and you don't really know if you are actually doing anything right or not.

He overall is a pretty good baby.  He is a little fussy.  He gets pretty bad gas and some of the reflux every now and then.  We aren't sure if it is something I am eating or if it is just the fact he is only 3.5 weeks old and his digestive system is still maturing.  He also just likes to be moving.  He does not like to sit  or lay still at all!  I have to constantly be changing things.

Michael helps out as much as possible.  When he has the time or a chance, he takes Carson in the morning or evening so I can try to catch another hour of sleep.  He has been carrying Carson around in the front pack lately when I need a break, since Carson always needs to be moving.

My boys.  :-)

Carson was so content when I was carrying him around in the Moby wrap last week.

Our little Christmas tree.  Can't believe Christmas is almost here!

So cute, I love this outfit his Grandma and Grandpa got him.  He has a bear on his cute little butt!

He is so strong already!  The doctor told me I could start doing some tummy time with him and he can already roll from his tummy back to his back!  But I think that is more due to the fact he can raise his big head high up and then the weight of his head just pulls him over.  :-)

Overall, life with Carson is great.  We love him so much.  It is so hard though for both of us to sit at home all day with him.  We wish we could take him more places or do a few more things, but he is just too little and we don't want to risk him picking up any kind of sickness anywhere.  But we know he is going to grow up quick and soon enough he will be waving goodbye at his first day of school all on his own, so we are trying to enjoy all the time at home with him as much as possible.

The Holidays

I feel like the holidays are just passing us by this year and I love this time of year!  I don't want it to just race by.  Don't get me wrong, I love having our little boy, but his birth during this time of year has fast tracked the holidays.  We missed Thanksgiving, and now Christmas is almost here.  I don't have presents, or stuff for stockings.  I haven't been able to make any Christmas cookies or sit and drink hot cocoa with my hubby.  Getting a tree took a backseat.  We just bought a 3 ft pre-lit tree from Walmart and put it on a coffee table. But then I have to remember...

Those things aren't what Christmas is about.  The holidays aren't about the presents, the cookies, the traditions, or the tree.  It is about a birth just like mine.  The birth of a beautiful baby boy.  Except that baby boy wasn't Carson Michael Funk, it was the Son of God.  It is amazing to review the Christmas story now that I have had a baby and I have kissed the pudgy cheek of a newborn.  I'm sure Mary did that to Jesus.  And Christ chose to come as a baby?  It is mind boggling, really. 

Yes, I love the lights, decorations, and holiday baking.  But the whole reason for this season is to be thankful and to celebrate the birth of our Lord.  I had kind of forgotten about that.  Michael and I have so much to be thankful for this year, and to celebrate!  We have a beautiful son, who is healthy and whole.  I am healing and recovering well and should be back to normal soon, we have a roof over our head and currently have jobs that provide for us.  We have food in the pantry, family that loves us, and an awesome marriage.  We are blessed.

This year the house may not be decorated well, the tree may be small, and no Christmas goodies are being made, but that doesn't mean that Christmas isn't coming.  Everyone was so right when they said a newborn will leave you with no time for anything.  It has been humbling to sit back and realize that some of the things I felt were so important around the holidays really aren't, and that they mean nothing in the grand scheme of life.  I know when Carson gets older we will get to bring some of these fun traditions back, but this year we are just figuring it out.

I wonder if this is how Mary felt?  Overwhelmed, scared, in awe, amazed, and completely in love.  Who knew you could feel so many emotions at one time.  Thank you Jesus for coming back to save us.  Thank you for allowing us the precious gift of children.  Having Carson has opened up my eyes and heart to understanding the love of God more, and realizing how much I cannot control.  Everything is in God's hands, and I'm okay with that.  This Christmas is going to be special in its own way, even if I didn't get to make frosted ginger men.  This year, I get to kiss the pudgy cheek of my newborn son, and think about the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, and ponder all these things in my heart, just as Mary did.

Remember the REAL reason for the season.

My Natural Skin Care Routine

If any of you have known me for a decent amount of time, you will know that I am somewhat of a natural health freak.  Not about everything, you have to pick your battles, but I try to avoid conventional medicine and seek out more natural options when I can.

One of those is skincare.  I had clear skin throughout highschool and into my early college years.  Around my junior year, my skin went haywire and has been pretty bad ever since.  The only time it was clear again was while I was on birth control.  Well, if you want to have a family, you can't be on BC, so I started trying to search for other options for my skin besides harsh chemical routines (like proactive).  

Besides just general acne, I had really oily skin as well.  It was terrible, for those of you who have oily skin, you understand.  I hated that shine on my face by afternoon and makeup would look so gross by the end of the day, not to mention if I wore makeup, my skin would break out even more when I did wear makeup.  It was terrible.  I tried so many different skincare regimens, creams, acne spot treatments, you name it.  I tried even natural acne routines, with expensive products from natural stores.  Proactive ended up working the best but it was kind of expensive, and so harsh on my skin.  My face always felt so rough.

So I started doing some research.  I finally came across one skincare method which really intrigued me, and made sense, it was called oil cleansing.  You actually wash your face with oil.

Huh?  That is exactly what they tell you not to do when you have oily skin.  You are "supposed" to wash your face twice a day with an oil free cleanser and then apply oil free lotion and apply harsh alcohol toners before so you do not produce so much oil.  Well, this oil cleansing method and its proponents claimed that is the exact reason why you have acne.  Your face is so oily because you are constantly stripping all the oil away, so your body is frantically trying to produce more oil to protect your skin!

I decided to give it a try, what did I have to lose?  And it has been amazing!

My acne didn't go away completely.  We figured out that hormones are the major player in my acne, but my oily skin was no more and my acne seriously decreased.  Not to mention my skin feels soft and healthy, not dry and scaly.  And it is completely natural.  I am not longer putting tons of chemicals on my skin everyday, multiple times a day.  And it hasn't been an issue with makeup either.  I still use eye makeup remover and then just use the oil method and it takes makeup off as well.  Here is the link to the regimen I use.  It is so easy.  I add tea tree oil to my oil mixture since I do have acne problems and that is something that is known to be good for acne.

It is also really cheap.  I bought bottles of caster oil, grape-seed oil, and jojoba oil and am still on my original containers, about a year later.  It is a little bit more time consuming for your bedtime regimen, but worth it.  If my skin feels really dirty, I will use a tiny bit of baking soda mixed with water in the shower to wash my face, and then apply jojoba oil as the moisturizer.  The biggest compliment I have gotten is how balanced my skin looks now, no more oil sheen.  Now if we can just get the rest of the acne to go away, I'll be happy!

9/11

It really struck me today how defining 9/11 was for all of us in this country.  This event happened 12 years ago, and yet, all of us will remember where we were and what we were doing the day we heard the news.

I remember I was at home watching Daniel and Hannah, and I called my mom to ask if we were going swimming later.  Swimming was such a trivial thing when we saw what was going on.  I was 14 years old and even at that age it was hard to grasp what was happening.  I remember feeling guilty in the days to follow that we were continuing our normal lives, while on the other side of our country, life had ended and would never be the same for so many.

I ran across this blog post today and I encourage you all to read it.  It is a cry for peace, but peace first begins with us.
http://momastery.com/blog/2013/09/11/let-begin/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=let-begin
I like what she first states in her article, that we like to say "terrorists, or hijackers took down those towers."  It makes them sound so evil, so foreign, but in reality, it was people who took down those towers.  Men, who were once babies in their mother's arms took down those towers.

Peace begins with us and how we treat those around us.

Do not misconstrue my words, I am not saying that what happened wasn't horrific and that we shouldn't have made moves to defend ourselves.  I am just saying how quick are we to jump to conclusions that because of a person's upbringing, race, sex, family, etc we make certain assumptions about their character or their standing with God.  I am still guilty of this, but I am trying very hard to remove these prejudices.   I am pretty sure that God says "while you were yet sinners, Christ died for the ungodly" and "for God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son."

Notice God said he loved the world, not just the United States of America. and not just Israel, but the whole wide world.

I don't understand how such evil can exist.  It breaks my heart to hear and see such things happening in our world.  But if it is one thing I do know, it is that God made humans in his image and He died for all of us.  ALL of us.  Even those who hurt, murder, lie, cheat, and steal.  Satan hates us, so he will do whatever he can to turn us against each other in order to hurt each other and God.  

Lord, I pray for peace and understanding.  I pray for comfort for those who lost family and friends on this day.  I pray for those who seek to harm others, that you will send a light to shine in the darkness of their hearts so they can fully see, and will no more be blinded by this world or by Satan.  Thank you for your grace and mercy.


P.S.  I made this blog as a place to share my life and thoughts.  If you do not agree with me, that is fine, but you do not need to tell me that here.  Just remember what your mother said, if you can't say anything nice, don't say it at all.  :-)

Pregnancy Tips

I know that I am in no way an expert on pregnancy.  With this being my first time, I'm sure if I were to do another pregnancy post in three years, I would have way more tips, but these are just a couple things I have learned that I thought I would share.

1. Steal your husbands shirts.  I like to work out in tank tops, but my tanks became too small very quick.  So I used my husbands undershirts, or wife beaters as they are known, to work out in.  Roomy, light, airy, and most of all, comfortable.
2. Shop clearance racks.  Maternity clothes can be really pricey, but I have been having great luck with clearance racks.  I was able to get several tanks and shirts for around $4.50 each.  Way cheaper than the $15-$20 they were originally.  Yard sales will sometimes have maternity clothes too, but this is more hit or miss.  Craigslist was another place to look, or whatever site people can post things to sell that is in your area.  
3. Yard sale and thrift store for baby clothes.  This summer, I visited several yard sales that had gently used baby clothes.  When you can pick up a cute jumper for $0.50 instead of $10.00 at Target, I call that a steal.  Plus, the kids grow so fast in the beginning anyway!  I know it is fun to buy some new cute clothes, and I probably will, but this is something that my mom taught me when my little brother and sister were born.  SO. MUCH. CHEAPER!  I shared before that I was able to get a whole grocery bag of newborn-3 month baby items (onesies, jumpers, wash rags, socks) for only $5.00.  I don't have everything I need by any means, but I will be looking at these options after the baby is born and growing like a weed!
4. Track your daily food intake.  This one helped me at first to figure our how much I was eating and if I was eating enough of the nutrients they want you to eat during pregnancy.  It really helped me see that I was overdoing it a little bit on the calories, and not getting enough protein and some other vitamins.  I use myfitnesspal and really like it.  It doesn't have a pregnancy specific calorie intake, but you can use just your height and weight and say you either want to maintain or gain 0.5lbs a week.  It was just really helpful for visually helping me see that I needed to eat a little better and definitely get more protein in my diet.  
5. Look at the Library for Pregnancy and Baby books.  Buying books can be so expensive.  I found there were so many pregnancy and baby books to check out at the library!  They have all the common books that you see as well.  
6. Put down the pregnancy and baby books.  That being said, take my point above with some caution.  This may sound weird, but if you are anything like me, you get information overload and start to worry about everything!  Plus, I've had sound advice from many mothers that all those books are great guidelines, but kids are all so different and not everything works for everyone, etc.  I'm not saying be ignorant, but I know for me, I stress when there is so much information in my brain and so many different opinions on one thing or another and I'm trying to make a decision!  I am not good at this, I love information, but it does drive me crazy. 

That's all I have for now.  :-)  Maybe something of this will be useful to someone else! 

Health Post Update

Well, after mentioning all my health issues before, I figured I should follow up with how that is changing with my pregnancy or how that is affecting my pregnancy.  Thankfully, it is not affecting my pregnancy at all, the Dr's were very concerned at first, but everything seems to be okay right now.

Before I got pregnant, I was following a gluten-free/paleo type diet.  Basically no gluten, low starch, and low to no dairy.  I was doing pretty good, and then I stopped feeling good, which is when I learned I was pregnant.  It was really hard to eat gluten-free/paleo during the first trimester.  All I wanted was breads, pizza, and macaroni cheese, and donuts.  :-)  So I went back to eating all my old wheat staples.  And I still felt terrible, but what of that was pregnancy vs eating wheat, I don't know.  Well, it was mostly pregnancy, as I learned later.  But I had specifically been avoiding gluten because I had read several articles about high thyroid antibodies and gluten sensitivities and that they were linked.  Something to do with similar proteins and a similar auto-immune response.  So in an attempt to help my thyroid, I had stopped eating all wheat and gluten.

As my pregnancy progressed into the second trimester, the doctor was encouraged to see that my thyroid hormone levels were still normal, meaning that Peanut's thyroid will develop just fine.  There is a chance that pregnancy can aggravate thyroid conditions and push the mom into either a hypo or hyperthyroid condition. She checked my antibody levels again and they are actually lower than they were before, although still elevated.  And I feel good.  I am not having any stomach issues or any of my old food issues.  Basically, since pregnancy lowers your immune system so you don't attack the baby, it is doing the same for my thyroid and all of my other seeming food intolerance.  Long story short, my body likes being pregnant.

 I am really curious to see what happens after the baby is born and if I will have to go back to a more strict type diet.  The one thing I will add, is that while I was gluten-free/paleo my skin cleared up beautifully, no acne at all.  And I have acne back full force now, but I have been told that it could be pregnancy hormones though, so who knows really.  I am just trying to focus on moderation in all things right now, especially so I am eating a healthy diet with baby.  We'll see how things change after the baby is born and if some of my old issues start cropping up again.

So their you have it!  I will have more blood drawn in the third trimester to make sure everything is still okay, but I'm happy that Peanut is developing just fine.

Pregnant Hiking

This past weekend it finally cooled down a little bit. Michael wanted to do a really long bike ride, which I am just not up for anymore, so I planned to go for a hike instead.  I dropped Mike off at the base of the Big Cottonwood Canyon and I headed to a hiking trail further up.  It was a pretty hike, up to a lake but it was 3 miles up.  I didn't think I could make that in the time I had before Michael finished, but I hiked quite a ways! I would say probably at least 2 miles up. 

A view from the trail, big Cottonwood Canyon.

This was my hiking buddy, pretty quiet, but active!

I love being outside and outdoors.  I feel so thankful that I can still hike and have the energy and a healthy pregnancy.  It is something to be thankful for.

Memorial Day 2013

I really had to relax this Memorial Day weekend after my trip to Montreal. I was so exhausted and overwhelmed. And a very relaxing weekend it was. Specifically, my friend G took me canoeing on Evergreen Lake, so awesome, beautiful, and relaxing. Then we walked into town and had some amazing pizza at Beau Joe's.  Great day!

Montreal Part 2

I really wanted to do a little sightseeing while I was in Montreal besides what I could get to by walking.  I didn't have access to a car and taxi's were so expensive!  But the concierge at the hotel was great!  He explained exactly how to get to the Montreal Biodome and Planetarium by using the subway system.  And it was so much cheaper, only $3.00 each way.  

Biodome and Planetarium

The Biodome was neat, it was like a small zoo, except that it had four distinct regions with all the plant and animal life.  

See the little monkey?

Below is a fake back drop with the water and rocks for seagulls.

They even had their nesting area on some fake rock walls.  I guess this was supposed to simulate the cliffs they usually live on.

Now onto the polar region...

Gotta love penguins and little arctic birds that I can't remember the name...

This sign absolutely means nothing, but it is all in French.  Like a lot of Montreal and something I didn't expect.  It kind of felt like you really were in another country, even though it is only Canada.  All the signs everywhere are in French. Everyone speaks french as well.  I actually had to point at some things in some restaurants because they didn't speak English.

After the biodome, I had to stop for refreshments.  Bottled carbonated water, so refreshing!

And I bought the smarties because I thought they were the US smarties candy, but they weren't!  They were like Canadian m'n'ms.  Another interesting note, Canada does not allow high fructose corn syrup in any of their foods, so all candy, ketchup, soda, you name it contains only real sugar.

This was crazy. While we were in Montreal, we ended up on a bottled water alert.  I guess they had some problems at the treatment plant.  I was afraid to shower and they told us to brush our teeth with bottled water as well!

Then I was on to the Planetarium.

This moon, is the big screen above me for my planetarium show.  It was pretty cool.

While I was at the planetarium, I got a call from my coworker (who was supposed to have flown back to denver) that her flight was cancelled until the next day.  So I took her out for dinner and a glass of wine (for her) and we ended up buying sweatshirts from a tourist shop.

Thursday was my last day in Montreal, it was also the day of my presentation.  I don't mind speaking in front of large groups, but it is still nerve wracking.

I started out the day with a hearty Canadian breakfast complete with fresh squeezed orange juice.  Again, no corn syrup, and we are in Canada (maple leave as the emblem) so they only have and serve maple syrup, yum!

There was sausage and bacon in the middle of my pancakes.

My presentation went really well.  A client of mine was also at the conference and called and asked if I would like to go out to lunch before my flight.  We ended up in Montreal's "Chinatown" for some authentic Chinese food.  It doesn't get more authentic then that, does it?

The trip home ended up being a stressful nightmare, but I made it.  Thanks Montreal for some great times.