I'm getting burnt out. I love this kiddo so much, but I just feel like I am treading water with all his food sensitivities. In the photo below, his eczema had cleared up and he was doing great! I was so relieved. We still have not figured out a root cause, but I have been able to successfully introduce beef, seeds (flax, chia, and pumpkin), and cruciferous veggies (cauliflower, cabbage, broccoli), but so far the rest of the things I have tried are inconclusive (rice, oats, pork, bell peppers, lime juice, fish, coconut). I'm still grain free and honestly, I don't like it. But then I look at that face...
And it all seems worth it, at least for five minutes anyway. The worst part is when he flares up, like below. I know, this picture is hilarious, but you can see the large red spot on his cheek. His eczema flares up so bad and he is itchy, and uncomfortable and overall just looks terrible. He was so tired, he hadn't slept well that day and so I was letting him watch a show on Netflix. I found a show for kids that teaches them sign language, so I let him watch that.
I talked to his doctor about formula again, because I'm ready to be less strict. This doctor advised me against it, saying that even if he is slightly more rashy it is better for him to have breast milk. She was much more sold on the diet-eczema connection but stated that we may clear up the eczema with the formula, but would probably exchange a set of issues for another since he has a sensitive stomach. Oy vey. Either way, I'm starting to get tired of worrying about everything I eat. I want to just be able to eat food again. I want to go out on a date with Mike to a nice restaurant and relax. I haven't been able to really eat a meal cooked by someone else in 6 months.
Gosh kiddo, you sure cause your momma some stress. And I'm a little more upset about it because he had a bloody diaper this week and I can't pinpoint the cause! It was looking like rice, but when I went back through my food log, that just didn't make sense.
But I love you. And I want to do what is best, for you and for me. I'm starting to feel a little selfish though. I'm ready to have some things back. Like the ability to go out for a latte and a scone. Your daddy and I can both see now that food is a huge issue and does make you flare up. We have watched your skin clear up several times on this elimination diet and you looked so good! We really do want to help you feel the best and be the healthiest you can be, we just need to pinpoint things and this is proving SO difficult with Momma's work schedule because you are constantly getting older milk that may have had something you didn't like in it. Plus, some things appear to make you rash right away, and others seem to take awhile. Like rice, if you do have a sensitivity to rice, it took 5 days to show up, but it seems like other time withing 24hrs you are getting a rash, like possibly with fish.
But I know this will be short lived. When you are 5 years old I am going to look back on this and go "wow, that was hard, but it was fast, how are you 5?"
I'm not ready for you to be five, I like my little baby boy. Love you buddy.
Sorry for the downer post everybody. :-) But this is real life! I'm not going to sugarcoat it.
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